User blog:Charlie the Penguin/walrus.docx
Note: The following takes place between void.doc and hole.doc. At this point in the penguinƨ.doc timeline, Charlie, Gracie, and Kris each have their own igloo which is why a few scenes take place in Charlie's. Also, yes, the comment requirement still applies to this. ---- A book simply titled "Walrus" magically opens itself and sucks us into it. We immediately hear the carol of a large group of penguins. ''We wish you a very Merry Walrus Penguin hearts are full of cheer We wish you a very Merry Walrus It's our favorite time of year Waddle up and bring your puffle ''We'll deck the igloos and we'll shuffle ''Celebrations; all the decorations ''Lining up for the bucket brigade ''We wish you a very Merry Walrus ''Gifts and treats will soon appear ''We wish you a very Merry Walrus ''It's our favorite time of year ''We wish you a very Merry Walrus ''Shuffle on up and join us in a chorus ''Sing a song of Club Penguin-y cheer ''It's a Merry Walrus time of year Every penguin in Club Penguin liked Merry Walrus a lot, but CHARLIE BAKER… Dramatic sound effect ...who now that I think about it was also a penguin, did not. Charlie: *looks out window to see Merry Walrus decorations* Ugh. Charlie hated Merry Walrus, the whole Walrus season! Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be perhaps that his slippers were too tight. Charlie: Um, my slippers fit just fine. It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right. Charlie: Well, that’s just a biased opinion. But I think the most likely reason of all, might I say, is that Christmas had been his most favorite holiday. Charlie: *leaves windowsill and sighs sadly* This sucks. Kris: What’s the big deal? Is Merry Walrus that much different than Christmas? Charlie: It’s a rip-off, that’s what it is. This so-called holiday is an insult to everything that Christmas truly is! Gracie: Hey, at least they picked something decent to base it on. Right Jimmy? Jimmy: *is eating a walrus-shaped ice cream cake* NOMNOMNOMNOMZ Charlie: So, how on Earth did you befriend a walrus anyway? Gracie: He likes food. Charlie: I see... Rookie: Hey, where’s Wingman? Wasn’t he just in here earlier? Charlie: Yeah, I think he went out to play with the other puffles or something… It is Merry Walrus Eve. We see a group of puffles, one of them being Pluffy, headbutting a blue beach ball around with each other. Wingman hops up to them. Wingman: Hey guys, happy Merry Walrus! Mind if I join? Blue Puffle: Anyone know this guy? Pluffy: Yeah, he’s my friend I told you about. Pink Puffle: The one that got sliced in half by the Thunder Blade? Black Puffle: It must be, look at that scar! Wingman: Well, yeah, but it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Pink Puffle: *appears behind Wingman* Wow, he really did get chopped clean in half! Orange Puffle: *hops over two* Geez, and right down the middle too! How does he manage to go to the bathroom?! Wingman: *backs up* Okay guys, that’s enough… Green Puffle: How do his eyes still work? Didn’t they get cut down the middle two? What about his tounge? Does the scar go across it, too? Pink Puffle: *pokes* Does this hurt? Wingman: No, but please stop! Black Puffle: I wonder if someone took those stitches out if he’d fall apart again. Blue Puffle: I don’t know, let’s get a closer look. *turns back to Wingman* Where’d he go? Wingman: *flies away, his vision becoming misty* Pluffy: Wingman, wait! *turns back to group* Guys, I told you, he’s sensitive about that sort of thing! Puffle #1: Whatever... are you gonna play with us or what? Pluffy: *sees Wingman’s rainbow trail going too high for him to follow and sighs frustratedly at them* Fine, but leave him alone next time, would you? Wingman: *flies up and sits on a cloud* The cloud Wingman is sitting on floats on its own, away from the other clouds morphing together to create a snowfall. Wingman realizes that he’s sitting right next to a puddle of condensing water. He looks into it, scowls at his reflection, and stomps on it. Charlie: *flies up to cloud, holding a GPS with Wingman’s helmet’s signal on it* Oh there you are, buddy! What are y... Wingman: *flies into Charlie’s arms and buries his face* Charlie: *takes off Wingman’s helmet and begins to pet him gently* Don’t worry man, I got you. *turns off jetpack and sits down on cloud, only to fall straight through it* AHHHHHHHHH *Le crash noise* That evening in Charlie’s igloo… Charlie: *pours hot chocolate into Wingman’s water bowl* What seems to be the matter? Wingman: I hate this scar. I look like Frakenpenguin. You might as well just stick two steel rods in my brain, it’s not gonna change how anyone thinks I look. *sips hot chocolate* I hate being different. Charlie: *sits down next to Wingman* I know how that feels. Disney will always shout in your face about how you’re special the way you are and how being unique is a gift and all that, but I’m going to give it to you straight: being different can really suck. Wingman: Is this supposed to help me? Charlie: Hey, there’s more. *pets* You think I like being different? I’m freaking made of snow. Just the other day a pookie tried to shove a carrot into me. Wingman: Into your face? Charlie: Nope. Wingman: Oh. *thinks for a second* OH! O.O Charlie: ...Yeah. *quivers* But let’s not go into detail so we can keep this thing G-rated. I sure am glad Assid doesn't do the "that's what she said" thing anymore... Look, that’s not all. How about the PSA? Everyone’s always talking about how they’re “founding members” while I didn’t even officially join until two months after everyone else. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape it. Seriously, it like says “FOUNDING MEMBER” in huge letters on everyone’s badge. Wingman: So… you’re saying there’s nothing I can do about it…? Charlie: No. ...I mean yes! ...Wait, no, ugh… Look. There’s always going to be those who point out all of your mistakes. I can’t remember the last thing I’ve done on this wiki that wasn’t controversial. The fact is that not everyone will always be considerate and understanding of you. That’s why I eventually had to learn to just shrug it off and move on with life. I know that doesn’t really sound like a lot of help now, but just trust me on this one. A problem is only a problem if you make it one, that’s what I always say. Wingman: ...Since when? Charlie: Since just now, but from this point forward I will always say that... if I can remember to. Wingman: ...Thanks. Charlie: No prob. Now enough of that, this is starting to feel like a Hallmark Channel movie! Are you gonna come and watch We Wish You a Merry Walrus with us? I hear it’s not that bad. Sure, I may hate this holiday, but I’m a sucker for stopmotion. You with us? Wingman: *sighs* Oh, alright. :P *telekinetically picks up bowl and follows Charlie from the kitchen into the living room* Meanwhile... Green Puffle: Man, I am pooped. Black Puffle: *scoots away* Green Puffle: It’s a figure of speech! Pluffy: That’s what making snow angels will do to you... *looks around at all the circular holes in the snow* How come ours never look right?! Voice: HO HO HO!!! Orange Puffle: SANTA?! Pink Puffle: It can’t be Santa, he got replaced by the Merry Walrus. But he can’t be so uncreative that he’d literally steal Santa’s laugh, can he…? The walrus sleigh lands right beside them Pink Puffle: Hm, guess so. Merry Walrus: Ho ho ho! Merry Walrus! It’s my name, my catchphrase, the name of this holiday, a song, and a television special! Pluffy: Yeah... that’s gonna get confusing fast. Merry Walrus: Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to contemplate it on my island! Blue Puffle: Wait… what do you mean on your island?! Merry Walrus drops a net on top of them and stuffs them in his bag. Merry Walrus: *Dark Helmet voice* FOOOOOLED YOUUUUUU!!! Pink Puffle: Pluffy, quick! Can’t you cut through it with your propeller or something?! Merry Walrus: Hey, cheating will only get you put on the Naughty List! *snaps fingers, causing Pluffy’s hat to teleport into his hand* Pluffy: You stole the Naughty List idea too?! Merry Walrus: Onward, my crystal puffles, to Merry Walrus island! I’ve got a special place there for all of our new friends! Blue Puffle: There’s a Merry Walrus ISLAND too?! Orange Puffle: There’s way too many Merry Walruses to keep track of! Merry Walrus: MERRY WALRUS TOO ALL, AND... Merry Walrus: (on TV) ...TO ALL A GOOD FLIGHT! Rockhopper: Hah, I see what you did there! ROCKHOPPER, AWAY!!! Six blue crystal puffles pull the migrator into the sky as the special ends. Rookie: Okay, that ending made no sense, but that was still pretty good! Kris: Seriously though, the Merry Walrus looked creepy. Gracie: I know, right? He didn’t even look like a walrus! Jimmy: I bet that I would make a better Merry Walrus than that guy! Charlie: Heh, I could totally see Jimmy as Merry Walrus! Wingman: Hmm, if the current Merry Walrus brings blue crystal puffles, what would you bring? Jimmy: Duh, I would give out walrus puffles! Rookie: You know, I wonder if you can really get to Merry Walrus Island that easily... Gracie: Easily? There was a huge force-shield around it. Wingman: We could always just teleport to it. Charlie: Oh yeah. *presses button on spyphone, teleporting everyone into Merry Walrus’ castle* Well that was easy! *signs campaign contract with Staples Inc.* Merry Walrus: Wha…?! Um, ho ho ho! Merry Walrus! It’s my na- Kris: Don’t worry, we already know. Merry Walrus: Okay then, you’re making my job easier on me. *pulls lever, causing them all to fall through a trapdoor and into a cage on the floor below* Jimmy: *puts on pixel shades* Well that escalated quickly. Gracie: He seriously had a cage prepared for us?! It’s almost like he knew we were coming! Merry Walrus: *teleports next to* Um, of course! I definitely knew! I’m the Merry Walrus! I see you when you’re sleeping and I know when you’re awake! Charlie: Okay, not only is that the most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard, but yet again you’ve shamelessly ripped off Santa Claus just because he’s not around anymore! Merry Walrus: *ignores* I assume that you’re wondering what this huge conveyor belt is for! Rookie: I don't even think anyone noticed it until you pointed it out. Merry Walrus: Sure, I’d be happy to show you how it works! *presses button, causing a large bag to be dropped out of a hatch in the ceiling* Pluffy and his friends all jump out of the bag. They try to hop off of the conveyor belt, only to realize that it is encased in extremely clear glass. Pluffy: Well this is just great. Merry Walrus: I can see you all are very confused about what this machine does. Everyone is staring at Merry Walrus blankly Merry Walrus: Not to worry, I have prepared a little demonstration. *pulls out a blue puffle stuffie* You see, this machine I’ve conveniently placed right at the end of this here conveyor belt has some interesting effects on whatever is dropped into it. *drops stuffie into machine that resembles an oven* After making a bunch of unnecessary sounds and movements, the machine spits out the stuffie again onto a smaller conveyor belt. However, it’s not a stuffie anymore- it’s become a blue crystal puffle! Not only that, but it’s alive! The puffle flies around the room happily, only to be sucked through a vacuum in the ceiling. Charlie: Hey, what was that for?! Merry Walrus: Don't worry, I'm not hurting her at all. She is simply being added to my collection. Charlie: Collection...? Merry Walrus: All this machine does is turn puffles into crystal puffles so I can hand them out as Merry Walrus presents! Rookie: ALL it does? Jimmy: That machine brought that toy to life! Merry Walrus: Oh yeah, I may have forgot to mention that once a puffle goes through this machine it loses its memory and given a brand new mindset. But that’s a small price to pay to be sparkly and flight...y, don’t you think? And not just blue crystal puffles, I'm talking every single puffle color there is, even rainbow! And with an infinite amount of puffles out there, I can keep this up forever! Kris: Geez, for a guy who’s supposed to be just like Santa, you’re kind of a lunatic! Wingman: Well, he did push Herbert down a 50-foot drop... Merry Walrus: *checks watch* Well, would you look at that! It’s almost Merry Walrus time! Looks like we’ll have to speed things up! *pulls another lever, causing conveyor belt to speed up* Pluffy: RUN!!!! The puffles try to run away from the machine but can’t outrun the speed of the conveyor belt. Wingman: Quick, let’s teleport out of here! Merry Walrus: *snaps fingers, causing everyone’s spyphones to teleport to his hand* I said no cheating! Wingman: Ugh, that’s it! *uses helmet to burn a hole in the bars of the cage* Charlie: Wingman, be careful! Merry Walrus: I’m afraid that I’m going to need that helmet as well! Wingman: Oh crap… Charlie: Wingman, evasive manuvers! Wingman: Right! *flies around the room at top speed* The Merry Walrus snaps at Wingman to try and take his helmet but keeps missing. Wingman: *teleports behind glass and onto conveyor belt* Hmm… aha! Due to his helmet making him taller than the average puffle, Wingman manages to wedge himself in between the two glass walls. This creates a small pile-up of puffles, but Wingman doesn’t budge. Merry Walrus: Stop!! You’re going to… The conveyor belt sputters and dies with one loud cough. Merry Walrus: ...jam it. Oh well, I know many good penguins who would like to have a RAINBOW crystal puffle!! *teleports Wingman one inch to the right, causing him to fall into the machine* Charlie: *reaches flipper through hole and tries to grab him, but is one second too late* NO!!!! Wingman: *wedges self in machine* I can’t hold on for long!! Charlie: *tries to fit through hole* Come on, just a little bit closer... Wingman: *slides into machine* Gah!!! *turns into crystal puffle* Charlie: WINGMAN!!! Wingman: I feel funny!! Jimmy: Wait a minute, he won’t lose his memory until he comes out of the end of the machine! Merry Walrus: Now now, this is expensive equipment, I- Jimmy: *jumps through glass, shattering it* QUICK, GRAB HIM!!! *tackles Merry Walrus and pins him to the ground* Merry Walrus: Oof! Kris: *sticks staff into machine* Grab this! Wingman: *bites onto and gets pulled out* Charlie: *hugs Wingman, only to realize that he’s now as hard as a rock* Wait… *looks at Wingman and gasps* Gracie: Uh-oh. Charlie: Wingman, are you… Wingman: *looks at reflection on ice* Charlie: Wingman, are you okay? Wingman: Okay?! I LOOK AWESOME! Check it out, no scar! *poses* Charlie: But… I thought that you didn’t want to be different. Wingman: It’s like you said, Charlie. A problem is only a problem unless you make it one. Charlie smiles and he and Wingman hug again. Rookie, Gracie and Kris smile at each other. Merry Walrus: Ugh, this Hallmark Channel stuff isn't exactly what I had in mind... *manages to snap fingers, teleporting away from Jimmy, who falls to the ground* Jimmy: Oof! Merry Walrus: This isn’t over! If any of you are leaving this castle, it’s as crystal statue! Now, wh- Something red bursts through the ceiling and lands on Merry Walrus, crushing him. Merry Walrus: GAH!! Everyone gasps. Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Merry Walrus, Merry Walrus. Merry Walrus: *cringes* Santa Claus: Is everyone alright? Rookie: We are now! Pluffy: Let’s get out of here! Wingman: Agreed! Santa Claus: Come along then, I shall give you a ride in my sleigh! In Santa’s Sleigh, Charlie, Wingman, and Rookie sit up front with Santa while Kris, Jimmy, Gracie, and the other puffles sit in the seats behind them. Where Santa’s bag usually rests is a tied-up Merry Walrus. Gracie: Thanks for the lift, Santa. Santa: No problem! Blue crystal puffles were never made to pull sleighs. Reindeer puffles on the other hand, these are as strong as they get! Wingman: That reminds me, what about all those crystal puffles that Merry Walrus captured! Santa: Don’t worry, *chuckles* I’m sure they’ll be just fine! Charlie: So, are you going to take over for the Merry Walrus now? Santa: I’m afraid not, son. I may be merry, but I am no walrus. Jimmy: Hmmm… Santa: Plus, I was forbidden from ever delivering presents here again since public Christmas celebration has been outlawed. Charlie: *sighs* Santa: Now, Charlie, don’t worry. Christmas may not be a part of Club Penguin anymore, but it still is and forever will be, a part of your hearts- all of you! And as long as the Christmas spirit lives inside of you, it will never truly go away. Isn’t that what really matters? Merry Walrus: Wow, maybe this guy really is better than I am… Rookie: So, what should we do with Merry Walrus back there? Merry Walrus: You know I can hear you! Kris: Let’s take him to the Fire Dojo! Charlie: Let’s put him in the I.C.E Chamber! Gracie: Let’s lock him in Jimmy’s bedroom for 24 hours! Jimmy: Hey, it doesn’t smell that bad! Wingman: Don’t worry guys, I know exactly what to do. Santa: *cracks whip* Ho ho ho! Merry Walrus to all, and to all a good night! Merry Walrus: Ugh, you're supposed to say flight... Santa: Oh, go stuff a stocking, Merry Walrus. Santa’s sleigh flies off into the night as the evening snow begins to fall. The captured blue crystal puffles escaped from their imprisonment in Merry Walrus’ castle and seized Merry Walrus Island, renaming it Crystal Island. Or at least that’s what we think. Puffle writing is hard to read. With the help of Wingman's idea, Gracie used the machine to turn the Merry Walrus into a crystal statue, frozen in animation and sent to Happy Herbert as a Merry Walrus decoration (no pun intended). Neither Happy Herbert nor Merry Walrus have been heard from since. Jimmy became the new Merry Walrus and flies around the island every year, delivering toys, candy, and brown sabertoothed puffles to good (and bad) penguins, the exception being the Doctor, who's igloo he dropped a nuke on. Santa Claus had a happy retirement and now works at the Pookie Adoption Center. Pookies love him because he gives out free toys, but this has got him nearly assassinated by toy makers several times. They always get murdered by the pookies that have “special powers”, which is apparently completely acceptable by Santa now that there is no Naughty List. Wingman is now accepted by all the other puffles. While they do ask him the occasional question, he doesn’t mind as he knows that deep down, he is just like they are. Okay, probably not, but we've decided to let him believe that. Kris often tells the story about how he saved Wingman from losing his brain with the help of his element staff. Those who question his story or try to touch his staff have strangely disappeared. Rookie ate chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast. They were very delicious. And me? Well, I realized that I had been a little hard on this Merry Walrus holiday. Charlie: *closes book* I realized that I had given it way too MUCH credit, which is why every year I hold a private Christmas party in my igloo (suck it, law enforcement!) '''You may have been expecting me to have a change of heart about Merry Walrus by the end of this story after everything that happened, but morals suck. Oh well, whatever you celebrate this time of year, have a very Happy Holiday and thank you for reading penguins.doc, Year One. I can’t wait to see you in 2015! Oh, and remember, -Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 17:19, December 19, 2014 (UTC) penguinƨ.doc 2014 'Written by Charlie the Penguin '''Inspired by PONY.MOV by Max Gilardi '...Which I guess makes this very loosely based off of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic '''All pictures made by Charlie the Penguin '''Cast '''Charlie the Penguin as Charlie Baker '''Wingman the Puffle as Wingman Baker '''Paige the Puffle Handler as PH '''Aunt Arctic as The Director '''The Director as Aunt Arctic '''Miley Cyrus as DJ Cadence '''Rookie the Silly Penguin as himself '''Gary the Gadget Guy as Agent G '''Dot the Disguise Gal as Dot '''Gariwalt Disney as Gariwald the Contraption Chap '''That Guy With the Jetpack as Jet Pack Guy '''Franky Thisisalastname as Documentary Narrator '''Merchandising as Captain Rockhopper '''The Pedobear as Herbert P. Bear '''Skid the Ghost as Kermit the Frog '''Skip the Bellhop as Skid the Ghost '''Rory the Construction Worker as That Gay Guy That Everyone Makes Fun of For a Completely Different Reason '''Tim Somerville as That Guy Who Made Rory quit '''Dogkid1 as Gracie Somerville '''CitronFire3 as Kris Shadow '''Helmetpig2013 as Helmet Baker '''Cute Bunny Lucy as Locy '''Blue Jay Superior as Jay '''Interroid the Robot as The Interrogation Droid '''Assid the Robot as The Assistant Droid '''Pluffy Fluffy Baker as Pluffy the Puffle '''FBI Surveillance Bot 5 as Jimmy the Walrus '''Tusk, Master of Snow as Merry Walrus '''That guy who sounds like Buzz Lightyear as Santa Claus '''The Not-As-Ultimate Shapeshifter as Adam the Frost Bite '''Hostage Pookie Contest Winners as Aunt Arctic’s Slaves '''That Orange Penguin You See Everywhere as Smulley Superior '''Tom Hanks as The Alternate Dimension Police Officer '''Guys Who Had No Idea They Were Being Used as Background Penguins '''Elite Puffles as themselves/Regular Puffles '''Chef Ka Ka the pig as The CPU Lunchman '''Penguin Storm Hackers as The Zombies '''The Personification of Crack as The Annoying Prep '''Tah-mess thuh Tainke In-gin as Thomas the Tank Engine '''Charlie the Unicorn as Mr. Narwhal '''Minnie Mouse as Pinkie Pie '''Gwonam the Wizard as Spingebill '''The Great Pumpkin as The Aliens '''Adele Dazeem as Queen Elsa '''Spike Hike as The Claw '''The Claw as Spike Hike '''Your Mom as the Stuffed Crystal Puffle '''Some Crackhead off the Street as Megg '''And Adolf Hitler in his internet debut as Sasquatch the Hacksquatch '''Special Thanks to '''PixieLil '''Poko the Cheese Lover '''Piperpetcp '''Fluffle the Puffle '''Cadence176761 '''Phoenix the Hedgehog '''Minecraft Creeper '''Barnes of Kakariko Village '''Shad, the Dream Chaser '''Morgan Freeman '''Ringo Starr '''The Illuminati '''A Wikia Contributor '''And everyone else who’s read and enjoyed penguinƨ.doc! Our story is far from over and I hope that you're just as excited as I am for 2015! Category:Blog posts